Stewart's Page

Newsworthy Events:

The Line Club

Yes. You heard it here first. I'm opening up a new club and I'm calling it The Line Club.

See, over this past weekend I went to a lounge/club with some friends. Yes, a good time was had by all, but it was getting to that good time that was a nuisance.

It started when we lined up to get in the door. Of course we weren't on "The List" (yes, they have those! They also have a person walking around wearing a goofy headset acting all important informing everybody they're not on it either). Finally we get in the door. Now we have to line up to pay the cover. We turn the corner and see a familiar sign; ATM! Money to be had here! So we wait in line. While waiting in line for the ATM we observe the lineup for the bathrooms. Glad we all went before we left the house like good little boys and girls, we return our attention to the impending cash influx that awaits us at the head of our present queue. Money in hand, it's off to the bar. Sure enough we wait in line.

Now, oh dear readers, victory is in hand! And by victory I mean beer. Well, you get the idea.

So our task completed for the moment we stand victorious, looking as cool as can be, trying to figure out what to do next. Oh! The patio! Our group are on the patio! Off we go!

... to stand in line.

So my idea, dear readers, is a club of lines. You pay a cover to get into the line which eventually enters a building where you pay another cover. Every 25 feet or so there'll be a bar (all that standing is thirsty work). Eventually you'll reach the end of the line, you'll be drunk and the night will be over.

For you see the Line Club is a club so exclusive nobody ever gets in!

---

Credit Card Lingo for the Layman

My most recent credit card bill arrived today and I was pleasantly surprised to find some additional text on the second page of the statement;

"To help you meet unexpected financial demands we have made this payment optional. Please remember that if you skip this month's payment interest will still accumulate."

Translation;
"We notice you keep paying your full balance on time. Early most months. Please stop. We only make money off of losers. We can't have people like you in our system. We've already tried jacking your credit limit but you didn't fall for that. So, please, don't pay this month. We need to at least recover the cost of the damned card we stamped for you. Postage isn't free. Asshole."

---

Hope for a Common Sense Culture

I'm a subscriber to two excellent mailing lists; both by one Randy Cassingham, and I thought I'd pass them along to you, my humble visitors. The first, a list named after Stella Liebeck (think McDonald's and hot coffee, circa 1992) is the True Stella Awards; an attempt to demonstrate the true frivolous lawsuits and weed out the urban legends. The second is This Is True; a list describing strange but true tales of the utmost disbelief.

The reason for my posting today is to point out the comments made in True Stella Awards #73 by Mr. Cassingham in which he describes the emerging "Compensation Culture" in Great Brittain in contrast to that well established in the United States. This only serves to demonstrate the viral nature of such greed and how quickly it can spread to an international problem. Sadly, the stories in This Is True reflect events from around the globe on a regular basis showing that we're not safe anywhere on this planet from the Something-For-Nothing mentality.

Please take a few moments to pop over to the two above mentioned sites and sign up for these newsletters. If you're so inclined, do subscribe to This Is True. A small price to pay for such a well crafted piece of literature.

---

See! I knew I had a room reserved!

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished me to the Eigth Level of Hell - the Malebolge!
Here is how I matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Very High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Extreme
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Extreme
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Extreme
Level 7 (Violent)	Very High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Extreme
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Extreme

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

---

Car wash kids the next epidemic?

I'm sure everyone remembers all the press received by "squeegee kids" in cities, disturbing motorists et al. but has anybody considered the effects of "car wash kids"? As I write this, there is a car wash underway across the street from our store. On my way in to work, I nearly hit one of the kids holding a sign for the wash - standing in the middle of an intersection, waving it at passing motorists, not paying any mind to the people coming from the street behind him. The kids have so far been running up and down the sidewalk, ducking in and out to the street from between parked cars (with signs in tow) screaming at cars. This has the side effect of putting them in danger, and significantly distracting drivers in a busy downtown area of the city. While I'm sure I could speak with the adults on the scene, this seems to happen with most of these child-run car washes I've encountered. Is it plausible to have some sort of regulations for these impromptu events, or am I off my rocker?

---